"Maybe you shouldn't have had kids then."

This was said to me when I mentioned I don't like being a stay at home mom.  Do I enjoy cleaning up the same mess thirty times a day?  Do I love being back-talked to, never thanked, never appreciated?  No.  I'm pretty sure if you ever put an ad out for a job that said, "looking for someone who doesn't mind cleaning toys up in fifty rooms over and over to the point of being a zombie, someone who can cook four different things for four different tastes, doing the dishes from feeding these needy people up to eight times a day, cleaning those toys up in that room again, scrubbing pee all over the toilet, teaching someone how to pee, cleaning up their pee and poo, 'cause they have accidents all the time.  Change a baby's diaper often, take the toddler back to the bathroom, pick up those toys once again, feed these people again, fill up their sippy's for the billionth time for the day, be to work very early, go to bed very late, be available all throughout the night for the baby's feeding and for nightmare attacks, keep the kids out of stuff they shouldn't touch, keep them from killing each other ALL day, keep them from yelling and fighting.  Do it without ever being thanked, appreciated, and best of all, do it without being paid!"  Mmmm, watch the applicants fly in!  This ain't no Mary Poppins.  This is the life of a mother.

Until you start ANY job, you're not quite sure what it's going to entail.  Like anything in life, it may not be what you thought it was when you got into it.  How many people go to school for five years, start their career, and then realize they hate it?  The lawyer that spent seven years going to school?  Didn't he know that he was going to hate being a lawyer?  No, we don't know anything until we try it.  Don't over analyze this or read into it; I love my kids and I love being a mom.  I hate being a stay at home mom.  There, there it is.  When I tell people I hate being a stay at home mom, they're all like, "oh, bad mom!  Why don't you like your kids?  Why wouldn't you like it?  Why would you even have kids in the first place?  Maybe you shouldn't have had kids then."  What in the world?  I've never met a mom that's so full of shi*, she says, "yes, I never wear makeup anymore 'cause it's fun, I loved chopping my hair off, making me look like a frazzled man, I love never having me time, I love poop, too.  Isn't that your favorite?  Mmm, yeah, poop."  I have met the moms that are so full of it, they try to convince themselves it's worth it by saying, "oh, but it's so worth it."  Duh, ya dumb as*.  The world wouldn't have made it this far if it weren't worth it.  Why do moms feel like they have to add that clause in?  Hun, are you tying to convince me, or you?  I have more kids than you, so I obviously thought it was worth it, too.  Moron.  Don't give me that "it's so worth it in the end" crap.  I love my kids, love 'em to death.  It doesn't mean I have to love wiping their as*es all day.  I don't apologize for not liking this job.  You'll love and hate job's you have throughout your life.  There will be things you love AND hate about certain jobs.  Motherhood IS that job.  The only mom's I ever met that embraced this thing head on, were usually so obviously lying, or a little messed up in the head.  I won't pretend I don't miss working, earning a paycheck, dressing up cute all the time, being appreciated by people, being thanked, being rewarded, fulfilling goals, all the rewards of working.  What goals do I set now?  Lose some more weight?  Does it matter, my kids are the only ones who see me now anyways?  I'll still get the, "your butt sags" comments.  Nah, screw the last 20 lbs.  What do I work on?  What do I work towards?  Crafting?  Ha, heyell no!  I hate crafting!  It's tedious and I absolutely feel like it's a waste of time, not to mention I suck at all things crafty.  I feel that's how stay at home mom's slowly start going insane.  "GOTTA MAKE ONE MORE FREAKIN' SNOW GLOBE FOR MRS. JONES!!!!  HE HE HE, GONNA FILL THE HOUSE FULL OF MY NIFTY CRAFTS, HAHAHHA!!!"  Ya see?  Sounds like a mental person, right?  I don't do crafts.  I have a type A personality.  I love schedules, I live by them.  Well, I did.  Now it's like, um, "well, let's see when junior takes his afternoon crap and nap, then we'll plan around that."  Talking and getting together with friends is non-stop, "shush, I can't hear!  Stop, you'll break that!  Don't pinch their cat!"  What's the point?

Ever see Groundhog Day?

  That's what being a stay at home parent is.  You wake up and re-live the same day, over, and over, and over again.  You wake up frickin' early, make breakfast, clean up, or not, in my case, change diapers, put the kid on the toilet, give the dog and cats breakfast, take the dog out to pee, "attempt" to pick up a bit.  Put a movie on for the kids so you can try to lay down for ten minutes, which SO doesn't happen, get up, change diapers, put the kid on the toilet, clean up those toys, feed 'em again, put baby down for a nap, yell at the kids for two hours, "shut up!  Stop yelling, you're gonna wake the baby, and I don't wanna take care of a cranky baby!"  Get baby when he wakes up, change his diaper, put the kid back on the toilet, make food, change diaper, put them to bed, go to sleep, don't sleep enough, wake up in the middle of the night, give the baby a bottle, tell the sleepwalking kids to go back to bed, it was just a dream, wake up, do it ALL OVER AGAIN.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  For the next thirty years.  Whew, yeah, see how being a stay at home parent could be a bit of a downer?  No one tells you what being a stay at home mom is like.  I never knew!  How would I know what the job entailed until I tried it myself?  I couldn't possible know.  I could never possibly know that I would get a debilitating disease, either.  A disease that would make being a stay at home mom impossible.  I've worked in many places, had many jobs.  You don't EVEN know how hard of a job it is to be a stay at home parent, unless you've done it.  By far the hardest job physically, mentally, and emotionally.  It's hard for most mom's.  Now add debilitating disease.  People say to me all the time, "I don't know how you do it."  I don't.  You can't do what you can't do.  I am no mom.  I'm here, but it's half as*ed.  If I had a boss, I would have been fired a looooong time ago.  My house, as much as my OCD butt tries, is always messy.  It takes a perfectly healthy person to keep a well kept home with four small children.  I am far from healthy.  So, more often than not, my dishes are pilled sky high, right now, there's an entire bag of cereal dumped smack dab in the middle of the living room, my kids are killing each other, and I'm blogging.  Hallelujah, blogging's about the only sanity I have right now.  Writing is so therapeutic.

So, to you people who are like, such perfect mom's 'n all, that you can point your snotty as* nose up at me and be all like, "well maybe you shouldn't have had kids then", I want you to have four kids six and under, deal with a disease that barely lets you move, and deal with so much pain, you'd rather be dead than deal with it.  THEN we should talk.  Don't compare your apples to my oranges.  Our situations are totally different, how dare you interpret my hatred for being a stay at home mom for me not loving my children.  Shame on you, pickin' on a disabled person.  Maybe you should work on the stank in your own yard before you start pointing out everyone else's.