It's become a family joke that I am bi-poplar. There's mom on Tramadol and then there's mom off Tramadol. It literally is a night and day difference. I want you to imagine this if you're a woman: you're giving birth for the rest of your life (guys, pretend you're passing a kidney stone. Gross, I know, but it's the closest pain to childbirth I could think of.) Now, try to be nice to everyone. Try to live your life and function as if you're not giving birth or passing a kidney stone. Not possible. Yeah, we're mean when we're in pain. It's not really our fault. It's just human nature to be a total biotch when we're hurting. Sort of hard to ignore pain. Well, Fibromyalgia is no different. We're trying awfully hard to smile at you. We'd really like to rip your throat out instead. We're usually thinking, "how can you possibly be talking about this mindless dribble when I'm dealing with a headache from Lucifer?" We don't care too much for drama or shady people. We deal with enough pain as it is. Your drama is at the bottom of our list. Life is black and white for us. No time for nonsense. We need 'em real and we need 'em nice. We can't complain too much though, lest we be labeled as whiners, hypochondriacs, or someone who just needs attention. So if I don't look too entertained, I'm probably thinking you're shallow and should just shut up. It's true, I'm so sorry to say it. Most of the time, I'm very nice. If you're an idiot though, it's gonna be hard to refrain. It's hard to shut your mouth when you hurt. You're kind of blunt all the time. That's me. I'm far too blunt. So back to the Tramadol! You'll want to talk to me the times I'm drugged out. I'm supposed to take Tramadol (which by the way is a pain killer. Tramadol is an opiate and helps numb the nerves) 'round the clock. It's hard on the liver, so I only try to take it at night to help me sleep. My family knows to steer clear until I've taken my Tramadol. I wish I could say I was joking. It's the dead honest truth. Hubby knows not to talk to me about anything that could back-fire. He'll keep the more serious talk for when I'm drugged. :) My six year old often asks me, "mamma, you haven't taken your 'feel good' medicine, have you?" It's quite bi-polar. Pain vs no pain. You'll get two different personalities. I've been without Tramadol for the last few days because my doctor had a mix up and wasn't able to re-fill my prescription. I can't even begin to tell you what a living hell it was. It had me up until five in the morning, (you can't sleep through pain) gave me the worst case of Restless Leg Syndrome, (the Tramadol calms the nerves and treats my RLS, too) and made me angry. Pain will do that to ya. I hadn't slept in days. I was physically and mentally exhausted from trying to fight the pain and the symptoms. I did everything natural and within my power to do. Three or more hot showers a day, (heat on Fibro muscles is divine!) organic tea's targeted for pain, essential oils, heat packs, electric heating blanket, (one of these days, you really should see how ridiculous I look wrapped in my electric blanket, topped with six hot packs) getting massaged, meditating, stretching, deep breathing, blah blah, the list goes on. I tried it all. Sure, you can give birth and pass kidney stones without pain killers. No biggie. Now try being in labor or passing them stones for the rest of your life. Can you even imagine living with childbirth pain for the rest of your life? You can only give birth naturally because you know the pain will end eventually and you'll get a sweet baby at the end of it. My "childbirth" never gets to subside, and even crappier is, I don't get any reward at the end of this. I get to be in pain for the rest of my life, for nothing. If you were going to be in labor the rest of your life, you'd opt for the Epidural, too. :) The pain would eventually break you down. I've dealt with Fibromyalgia for years without taking any medications. Then it hit me. This isn't something that will pass. This isn't something that will ever go away. Do I think I'll get some sort of medal for toughing this out? Do I think I'll prove anyone wrong? Do I think I'll be weak because I can't do this alone? Yes, you deal with so many questions, and so much mental and emotional anguish when you try to evaluate the best treatment for your disease. It's never easy. You try to go into this as informed as you can be. You try to make the best choice you can for you and your family. The treatment plan I went with was the best for me and my family. Was it an easy one? Not at all. I still struggle and wonder if is the right choice. I take three medications a day to deal with this. Three different medications, four times a day, twelve pills a day. That's on my good days, too. On the bad ones, it can be up to twenty. I hate pills and medication. I used to fight a headache to the death before I'd take pain killers. I rarely took anything for pain. I know they're harsh on the body, on the organs. I know that. I used to avoid them like the plague. We don't take any medication when we're sick in this house. I let my kids cough it out. That's your body's way of getting the virus out. A fever kills the virus. Sneezing is a way for your body to release the germs. My kids do not take cold medication for this very reason. You do not need to be medicated for every little thing. A headache can sometimes be resolved by just drinking more water, (like right now. Trying to fight this bad boy, hoping just resting and drinking lots of water can kill it before it becomes full blown) stretching can help sore muscles, and letting a fever run its course will kill your sickness faster. What are you supposed to do though, when your body has turned on you? When you are subjected to things that can never get better or feel better? What then? It's a difficult choice. It's not one I take lightly and I'd never be afraid to stop all medications if a better solution ever presented itself. For now, this works. As for the long term effects, I do not know what the future will hold for me. I can only take one day at a time. I'm doing the best that I can. Until then, here's a hooorah for a wonderful Halloween last night! It's our last Halloween in Idaho and I'm sure the weather was saying good-bye to us. Could not have asked for prettier weather. Usually, it's snowing on Halloween here. If it's not, then it's always freezing and extremely windy. You have beautiful costumes and you end up covering them up with winter gear. Yesterday was beautiful! Sunny, in fact it was even warm at 65 degrees, and no wind. Can't beat that. We got to wear our amazing superhero costumes, and had a great time. It took me two hours to do my hair, makeup and get the kids ready. Wouldn't have happened if it weren't for Tramadol. It lets me be a mom. If I hadn't taken it, I would not have been able to take my kids trick-or-treating. Thank you, Tramadol.
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