Holy Jonathan Frakes.

I don't know why, but I slept horribly last night.  I tossed and turned so much.  I think it's 'cause I didn't take my full dose of Tramadol last night.  I did feel a lot of pain.  I thought I could get away with it.  I'm really kind of sick of taking so many pills, all the time.  It's gettin' old.  I learned the hard way though, that sick people need to take their medication, and that sucks.  My mamma raised me so naturally.  Food heals, and essential oils, exercise, and healthy living were about all we needed.  I've raised my kids to be the same way.  I don't let them take medications unless it's absolutely necessary.  My mom and brother take their hypothyroid medication, and we never had second thoughts about it.  Yes, they did try doing things naturally, at first.  They needed something stronger.  When I started taking pain killers for Fibromyalgia, after years of fighting it alone, and missing so much of my life, I was labeled with taking pain killers, by many.  Like I had a choice of what disease I would catch.  Like I had control over what modern medicine offered me.  Did I try natural pain killers?  Yes.  Did I try natural everything?  I sure did.  Trust me when I say I'm the one most disappointed in this.  I'm tired of pills.  I'm tired of medications.  I'm tired of all of this.  Years later, I still think one of these days I'll wake up being me again.  I've heard people with Fibro still do this, even twenty years after getting it.  Some days I'm strong and say I can fight this.  Days like today, I say I can't.  That I'm too tired.  I'm worn too thin.  I hurt too much, and I'm tired of living half a life.  I know I don't have a choice.  Like I can just sit back and say, "Lord, take me now"?  I have four kids.  I do have much more to give.  Days like today, I just won't give it, though.  I know this too shall pass, that days like today do happen.  They happen, but there are better days ahead.  It's how I survive.  I'm trying so hard.  I just wanna cry, give up, and give in.  I have four very strong reasons as to why I can't.  Doesn't mean that days like today I won't feel sorry for myself.  That I won't engorge myself with crappy food and watch some Star Trek and fantasize about Jonathan Frakes all day.  That was a horrible night's rest.  The silver lining to last night's "rest"?  Naughty dreams with Jonathan Frakes.  If you don't know who he is, you're either too young, or you're just not nerdy enough.  No, you're just too young.  He was "numba one!"

Commander Riker, Jonathan Frakes.  Hawt diggigy dog.

  See?  I'm already finding the good in the day!