If someone's happy ALL THE TIME, no one questions it. No one thinks twice about it or asks why. "So and so's such a happy person." What does that even mean? So and so never feels sad, ever? So and so never feels pain? How do you even begin to define that? We live in a society that tells us to be happy and uplifting all the time. One, that's not possible. Two, it's unrealistic and it's a good way to set someone up for disappointment. Yes, I get the idea of it; you try to be as happy and as uplifting as possible in all situations. What about that person you know who's suffering from Manic Depression? The lady at church who just lost her newborn to SIDS? That nice old man in your neighborhood whose wife just left him? What do you expect of these people? What about the people you're misjudging? You think that girl's sad because she's just an unruly teenager. The truth is, her dad's been beating her and you just told her to straighten up. Don't pretend you know everything, don't pretend you know the demons people are dealing with. Don't judge unless you've walked in their shoes; and even then, you still don't have the right to judge, they may be handling it differently than you did. Just because they're not doing it your way doesn't make it the wrong way. This is how I feel with my disease. Just because I'm not dying of AIDS doesn't mean my disease is any less painful or significant to me. I have said it before and I'll say it again, you cannot compare problems. "She didn't experience as much as I did." "Well it's not like his disease is causing him to go blind." "She hasn't even experienced life, what does she know?" How do you even try to compare pain? There is no measurement when it comes to pain. How much or how little, we'll all feel it the same. No, I won't say, "yes, it's Fibromyalgia, but at least it's not cancer." I don't have cancer so why would I compare the two? Just because my arm hasn't been amputated I'm not "allowed" to feel pain? Like hell, honey, like hell. Don't you ever find yourself telling someone, "it's ok. This will pass. It's not like you're dying." They're dying inside. Stop listening to a society that tells you we need to be super-human. That we need to be stronger. That we need to pretend like it's fine. Why on earth would you want to do that??? When you take away your sympathy, you lose your humanity. How would you know what is it to be healthy when you've never been unhealthy? How would you know pleasure when you've never felt pain? How would you feel gratitude when you've never felt despair? You couldn't, so don't act like negative feelings are "negative." They're just feelings. There are no bad or good feelings. We've labeled them. Feeling sad could be the motivation for someone that they needed. It may feel so bad for them, it propels them into a better situation. Sadness and depression are powerful emotions. They're human and they're MEANT to be felt as the situation dictates. Don't tell a person going through a divorce that "everyone goes through this, you'll be alright." That makes you a jerk. That makes you insensitive and it's killing your humanity. No one needs to "suck it up." They need to deal with the pain. They need to feel it, and feel it deep. Denying they're hurting will inhibit the healing process and stop it all together. Hurt, embrace it. Cry, let it out. Be angry about it! You're right, your husband was a jerk! You didn't deserve what he did! You deserve the right to be angry, sad, depressed, and NO ONE has the right to tell you you don't. Wouldn't it be utterly fantastic if we didn't feel hurt when something bad happened? Yeah, that's not possible, we'd be robots. We're human. Ya know, flesh and blood? I know it sounds crazy, but that's why it's called human nature. Shocker, huh? Embrace your emotions! All of 'em! They are neither good or bad. They're just emotions and they're only what you make of them. Laugh hard, play hard, be extremely happy during those times life is generous. Cry, eat chocolate, be depressed the times you need to be. Learn how to listen to your body, mind and soul. Don't ignore what they're telling you. Making light of a serious situation will only set back your healing. I was abused as a child. I cry over my lost childhood. I cry I was ever treated in such a way. I won't pretend it didn't happen. I won't pretend it doesn't hurt. The days I need to cry and be mad about it, I will! It helps to grieve, you HAVE to grieve in order to heal. Grieving is good! It does not make you weak. It does not make you ungrateful. It makes you perfectly human, a perfectly healthy human. If being depressed makes you weak, then being happy makes you flippant. It's rubbish. Being happy makes you happy, being sad makes you sad. That's all. There's nothing more, there is no reading in between the lines. It is what it is. There are stages and this is life. Let's let go of what society thinks we should be, what our mothers, fathers, mother in laws, etc. think we should be, and be who we know we should be. Compassionate human beings.
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