I fight like a girl!

Purple and butterflies are the official color and symbol for both Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia.  Here's a butterfly for Rachelle.  Sisters in pain and strength.

Talked to a dear friend last night, who's name also happens to be Rachelle.  She was recently diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  It's an auto-immune disease that hurts like a mother.  We talked about how hard it was living with something so devastatingly painful for the rest of our lives.  We laughed at the similarities we had, it felt good to relate and to laugh.  We talked about our treatment plans and the way people have re-acted (or failed to re-act, in some cases) to our illnesses.  We talked about the psychological pain it brings, not to mention the pain we were both feeling just from typing to each other.  Yeah, someone gets my typing on a computer pain!  She told me one of the medications she needed to be taking would prevent her from having children.  She doesn't have any.  I have four.  Made me shut up for a while and realize how much I have.  Something else for me to be grateful for.  She's an artist.  Bright, young 23 year old young woman who just graduated with her bachelor's degree.  There are days she can't even use her hands to do what she loves, what she does for a living.  My heart went out to her.  I haven't been able to do anything since my pain started.  My dream is to get an M.A. in Nautical Archaeology.  The thought of doing anything, would require energy and strength I'm not quite sure I have.  Did you know that 25-65% of people with Fibromyalgia also have R.A.?  The two are closely related.  It's a proven fact that once you have one auto-immune disease, you're far more likely to develop another one.  My husband, Adam always has to get his Thyroid checked at his diabetes check ups for that very reason.  I know it's sort of pessimistic of me, but I'm almost waiting for the next one.  My mom and brother have Hypothyroidism.  I'm scared of that one, it would heighten all of my Fibro symptoms.  In the meantime, I'm trying to fight this monster the best way I can.  How do you even do that?  Chocolate, sexy books, lots of hot sex, (gotta keep them endorphin's up.) good crying moves, like Romeo and Juliet, laughing all the time, and of course, many hot showers and the ever present heating blanket and rice packs.  Everyone has their trials.  I don't pretend mine are more or less important that anyone else's.  They are just mine.  We all have thing's we're going through, no, they're not easy.  Whether you're dealing with cancer or the loss of a loved one, know that you're not alone.  Know that you're loved and there are those that are going through exactly what you're going through.  Boy, do I understand emotional and physical pain.  I can't even tell you how life has forced me to be sympathetic.  We live in a culture that feels we should be stronger.  That we need to put our super hero cape's on and do it all.  I will be a size 0, I will have an immaculate house, my kids will be popular, bright and well behaved.  Not only will I run a powerful business, I'll also have dinner on the table at five, which by the way, the centerpiece on it is hand crafted by yours truly.  I'm a size 8, my house is always a wreck, my kids will kill each other from fighting, I had to quit my dream job because of pain.  I don't cook, (can't stand long enough to do it, Adam does all the cooking.) and crafty?  Hahha, ask my mother in law how my last "crafty" project went.  It wasn't even all that crafty.  It was a dumb headband I couldn't even braid.  Tried three times and gave up.  I don't have a crafty bone in my body, but guess what?  I listen to my kids, I give my husband porn star sex and all the time, (I'm a freak in the bedroom, sorry for the nasty details, I'm very blunt.) I am the best shoulder to cry on.  I understand the pain you're feeling.  I've been to hell and back with my abuse, I understand a lot of the evils in this world.  I also understand the body very well and how it can turn on you.  Unless you're an absolute idiot, I'm the least judgmental person you'll meet.  We're all at different stages in our lives and I understand you're the way you are because of your experiences, I love you for that and for who you are.  I'll cry and sympathize with you and be excited with you in your joys.  I am not what the world thinks I should be.  I'm what I say I should be.  I won't ever tell you to toughen up and deal with it.  Before you can deal with anything, you must deal with it first.  I think trying to pretend there's nothing wrong just puts you in denial, I think it's very unhealthy.  I'll be the first to tell you Fibromyalgia sucks.  Why should I pretend it doesn't when it does?  Yeah, every now again, I'm throwing the best pity party you've ever seen.  I party hard for an 80 year old woman!  I bust out all the junk food, pop in Titanic, crank up the heating blanket and cry.  I cry that I'll have to deal with this for the rest of my life.  I cry I'll never be the wife and mother I want to be.  I cry, then I laugh.  Then it's over for the time, helps me take on the rest of the week.  I may not be the wife and mother the world "thinks" I should be, but I'm a dang good listener.  I don't miss the time to love up on my children, to kiss every boo boo, to listen to their bad dreams and tell them I'm here to protect them.  I don't miss out on the time to perfect my relationship with my husband.  I can barely move, so what else would I be doing but talking?  My husband and I are the best of friends.  Not only is the booty good, but I could seriously just spend the rest of my life just talking to this guy.  We laugh, all the time.  Everything is funny to us and we hardly take anything seriously.  We're incredibly poor, we're college kids with four children.  We don't have money or the means for anything.  That is ok.  Our goal in life is to be happy regardless of our financial means.  We are madly in love and lovin' every day with our children.  Our trials have made us incredibly sympathetic.  I don't regret for one day the things I have gone through.  It has made me, me and I love me.  The imperfect, perfectly flawed me.  I'd rather be loving, sympathetic and understanding than be cold, judgmental, rich and beautiful.  I do not plan to take this life for granted and I'll do the best I can.  With what I've been given and with my limitations, I'm trying awfully hard.  I thank God for believing in me, for thinking I can handle everything I've been given thus far.  (Oy veh, what does the future hold...?)  I thank him for my trials.  They've made me strong, yet understanding.  I am also thankful for my friends.  Thankful for my other decrepit friends who feel 80 years old, too.  It's good to know you're never alone.  I'm grateful for my friends who struggle as well in other areas.  Don't you dare ever think you're weak for not handling it better.  There is no better way to handle it than what you're doing now.  Stay strong, don't give up and don't forget to laugh at something today.

I fight like a girl, biotch!  This is me today, fighting pain and a headache, but fighting all the same.